I worked in a bed and breakfast on the Brighton seafront run by a unhinged misogynist (also ex-manager of "The Darkness").
When we had a corporate function, one of the suits gave me £20 for pouring him a drink. He told me to buy myself something nice.
My manager left an oil spill from the deep fat fryer and the fall broke my tailbone.
So I started collecting: toilet rolls, spray polish, soap, light bulbs, eggs, bacon, sausages.
For six months: I ate breakfast for every meal, I sipped extravagant cocktails, I took bubble baths and painted my nails in a white waffle robe.
I was the customer.
When I called in sick; he told me, "my wife has periods every month and she is fine!".
I quit before I got fired.
I left with a golden teapot and a framed painting of the Virgin Mary.
A week before, we had fire training, for the first time.
A week later, the top floor of the hotel burnt down.
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