Rose // Housekeeper

I worked in a bed and breakfast on the Brighton seafront run by a unhinged misogynist (also ex-manager of "The Darkness").

When we had a corporate function, one of the suits gave me £20 for pouring him a drink. He told me to buy myself something nice.

My manager left an oil spill from the deep fat fryer and the fall broke my tailbone.

So I started collecting: toilet rolls, spray polish, soap, light bulbs, eggs, bacon, sausages.

For six months: I ate breakfast for every meal, I sipped extravagant cocktails, I took bubble baths and painted my nails in a white waffle robe.

I was the customer.

When I called in sick; he told me, "my wife has periods every month and she is fine!".

I quit before I got fired.

I left with a golden teapot and a framed painting of the Virgin Mary.

A week before, we had fire training, for the first time.

A week later, the top floor of the hotel burnt down.

Tweet